i've never thought of myself as one with poor memory, in fact, garrett asks me all the time how i remember things like what he wore 6 years ago to the day, or the crazy things that happened in high school. i don't remember being this anxious for baby #1. i feel like it's the first time all over again. i'm excited, nervous, anxious, freaking out, and a ball of emotions.
this time though, i'm more worried about banks. is he going to be okay during labor? is he going to like the baby? how will be react at their first meeting? will be still love me the same? will he cry? will he smile? will he have a sister? a brother?
so many questions to be answered in the next month, or so.
i've prepared myself for a late baby. doctors had given me two different due dates with banks - November 17 and November 27. He ended up being born on November 29, so either way, he was late. this go around, I'm prepared to have baby k#2 anytime AFTER July 17. although, after yesterday's appointment, I can't help but get my hopes up!
60% effaced, -3, almost 2cm dilated and head down.
whoa. yes, i know.... this really doesn't mean anything, but the fact that I'm just now 36 weeks and there is some sort of sign that baby is coming just excites me like no other. for 8 months it feels like it will be FOREVER before the baby comes and there is so much time to get all of the items on our checklist, checked. and now, i'm not so sure that everything will be checked.
after the dr. left the room, g asked why he didn't tell us our effacement and station position. I said he did.
G - "he did? all i heard was almost 2cm and i couldn't believe it, so i guess i didn't hear anything else!"
i think it's safe to say we're both excited. the heartbeat was 134 this go around, and I'm still convinced this baby is a boy. still.... a boy without a confirmed name. holy stress.
i can't get over how weird it is to think that any given minute i could be in labor.... and to have this feeling for much more than 3 more weeks would just be brutal and wrong, but i keep reminding myself how everything just simply 'worked out' last time i went into labor and that it happens when it's supposed to. even if i was past my due date. i've been trying to save a little energy each day after i remind myself how much energy i used up during the 17 hours of natural labor last time. it's almost like 'trying' to prepare for a marathon that you don't know the start time or date for - odd. i'm also struggling with the fact that b will no longer be the only child. i'm ecstatic to add another member to our family, but i'm nervous about how banks will react, how i'll really feel (probably overwhelmed) when the baby arrives and how i will adjust to 'sharing love' and 'sharing time'. for now, i'm completely savoring every moment with banks and loving his sweetness and i'm sure that we will all fall completely in love with baby#2 as soon has he/she is born, but i can't help but worry more about this baby being born than i was with banks. funny.. because you would think that it would feel totally natural being the 'second time around'.
right now we are praying for a healthy baby and would prefer it to be born between Sunday after 3PM and before a Friday at 3PM. why? because we have an awesome opportunity to donate free cord blood. i had checked into doing this with banks, but never found somewhere that would do it for free. to save the cord blood for your own family's use is expensive, but donating it to an agency for anyone to use, can be completely free. that's what we're doing and i'm kind of weirdly really excited about it. of course the baby needs to be healthy and the amount of blood collected has a minimum, otherwise it cannot be accepted and the baby must be born between the times listed above for the blood to be able to be picked up and shipped. if you are pregnant and are between your 28th and 34th week you can also do this! i highly recommend it as i've heard of cord blood cells saving several friends' and friends' family member's lives. so cool. we are using Life Force Cryo Banks -http://www.lifeforcecryobanks.com.
in other awesome news - i'll officially be an aunt this week! kelsey is almost 5 days past her due date and her doctor has scheduled an induction date for monday, so we're excited for baby A to join the world this week! praying everything goes smoothly and baby A and mama are healthy throughout the birth.
also an AWESOME update on a story i shared through our blog earlier about the Topping Twins - you can read about their story here and continue to pray for their family. miracles do happen thanks to Him.