Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Hollis' first 4 months. We love you so.

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Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Hollis Nova Roux | Birth Story

Oh, Miss. We waited SO long for you. So long - as in 41 weeks and 1 day - but really our whole life to meet you sweet, daughter of ours. Although our birth 'plan' didn't go exactly how I would have liked, we couldn't have asked for a better 'ending' to this chapter in our book of life.
Banks' birth story is HERE, for those of you who would like to read or re-read it. Our plan was to have another completely natural labor with baby #2, and this is our how our story went:
Frustrated. This explained my attitude for the 2 weeks before I went into labor. I don't know why, as I was 'late' with Banks and I know that to be up to 10 days late is actually completely normal.  I think I was just so ready to meet this baby, that my patience was at 0% by the time July 17 rolled around. We were also told  at our 40 week appointment that our beloved Dr. was going to be out of town the entire next week. I went into full panic mode. For me to endure the amount of pain a natural birth provides, I needed to fully trust the person who was going to be 'in charge' and making the calls. I immediately started to panic and wanted the baby to come out while Dr. was still in town. We discussed lining up another Dr to be 'on call' for our labor if I was to go into labor during the 41st week. We ended up meeting with this Dr. 2 days before I was 41 weeks and loved her. I felt completely comfortable with her and we gave her our birth plan and discussed how we wanted everything handled when I went into labor. She even cancelled the induction that was set up for the 42nd week and agreed to do a  bio physical to see how big baby was/ how much fluid he/she had before setting up a firm induction date, as we were avoiding an induction for as long as we were 'allowed'. I joked that I just wouldn't go to the induction if they set one - ya, know you can't get in trouble for that. Oh, geez, I'm such a rebel.
I continued to work up until I had Hollis. I woke up Thursday AM, and honestly just felt EXHAUSTED. I was tired and I wanted to sleep - NOT work. So I called in, with full expectations of returning to work on Friday. I took a couple of naps during the day, designed some birth announcements, answered work emails and watched TV. One email I received that day was from Grandma Kathy and Papa Steve  saying they wanted to see if they could take Banks that evening to let us 'rest'. I agreed, and Steve made plans to pick Banks up after 5. 
At 4PM i started having contractions like I had had for the past 3+ weeks - except they were coming about every 10 minutes, for the first time - rather than 20-40 minutes apart. I, of course, had little hope that it was labor, and left to get Banks from daycare about 45 minutes after this started.
I got home with B, texted Garrett and told him not to work overtime (just in case) and Steve showed up to take Banks to their house. By the time Steve left the contractions were definitely 10 minutes apart and getting more painful, but I still didn't tell anyone I thought we might be in labor.....
I took a bath. Still 10 minutes apart.
But, entirely more painful. 
I had the weirdest contraction pattern of 10, 10, 5, 15, 5, 10, 10, 5, 15, 5 - minutes apart. Odd, but it was consistent. I talked about going for a walk to see if that would speed things up, but told Garrett we had to wait until it was dark outside because i didn't want to look like a fool in front of the neighborhood.  At this time I texted Stacey and my Mom to tell them I thought it was the REAL DEAL. Ahhh! 
We went for a 1+ mile walk and I was contracting every 6 minutes and had to stop along the walk to get through the contractions. Although they were still further apart, the pain was worse than with Banks at this time during labor. We got back to the house and I took another bath - the contractions went up to 8 minutes apart, but still VERY painful.  I had been visiting the restroom in between every contraction since about 7PM because I had to pee like crazy -  I had told myself to keep more hydrated this time than I did with B - I barely drank anything during the 17 hours I was in labor with him. G even went to Sonic and got me a ice water with lemon - he thought I was crazy because I couldn't have water from the fridge without the lemon - but, at this time I was all about being selfish and requesting exactly what I thought I needed. Ha!
At this point I could no longer talk, walk or lay down between contractions, but was squatting, rolling on the ground, swaying back and forth and moaning.
at 11PM I went to the rest room and I couldn't get up off the toilet. I contracted 5 times before making it out of the restroom. From the time I left the toilet to wash my hands I contracted, from the time I had soap on my hands to the time the water was on, i contracted... it was AWFUL. there were about 10 seconds in between and more painful than ever. I crawled to the living room and found Garrett asleep on the couch and David Letterman's annoying jokes blaring in the living room. I yelled "IT'S TIME TO GO!!!"
Garrett woke up, startled, and said "Are you sure?" I said YESSSS!!! NOWW!!! 
He grabbed a few items we still hadn't put in the car and i continued to have contractions to the car, while getting in and the entire 30 minute drive to the hospital. I was in pure, evil pain and couldn't believe there was no time in between the contractions to rest. It was a constant contraction - ongoing, for almost an hour now. We carried nothing into the hospital and I groaned and moaned til I got to the restroom in the Birthcare Center. Then, we filled out paperwork - or I screamed the answers - as I was completely annoyed and hunched over while they asked me what my freakin' weight was - before and after getting pregnant.... Seriously??
Stacey showed up at the hospital and G and I went to the room at midnight.
The nurse we met first was great and she said we needed to get checked immediately to see where I was at - she checked and i was dilated to 8CM. I couldn't believe it. I thought we would be at 4 or 5 like last time and still had 10 hours of labor. Excited explained everyone's emotion, because shortly after that about 7 people rushed int he room, set up the delivery table, asked me one million questions and I was being stuck in both arms for blood. G and I were thrilled we were going to be able to use our cord blood donation kit, but I had no idea that they needed 5 viles of blood from me before I delivered. Needless to say, a nurse on both sides of me drawing blood while in constant painful contractions is NOT FUN. It's also not fun when they can't seem to get the blood they need and you are stuck 3 different times in each arm.
Meanwhile, meet nurse Kate. Worst nurse ever.
Kate was apparently in charge now and nurse Kate couldn't stop saying how excited she was because this was her FIRST time to be in a room they didn't know the sex and her FIRST time for a natural delivery. Oh, that's great Kate.... I'm really glad I can be your first. 
The nurse continued to ask me 100 questions per minute, while they could't find our birth plan. Our birth plan specifically states not to talk to me AT ALL during labor, and that if any questions need answered to ask Garrett outside of the room. This was ignored and in all honestly ( LOVE YOU TO DEATH ) I could tell Garrett wasn't ready for 'game time' just yet, and was a little panicked himself. They were asking him to get the cord blood kit out and ready and he was trying to figure out where our 2nd choice Dr was because the resident showed up ready to deliver baby. Also, specifically in the birth plan - no residents or students to perform delivery/surgery. Picky, maybe?, but did I mention that during this entire time I'm in excruciating pain??? They hooked me up to the monitor and I told them I wanted it off... it stayed on... the 7 people in the room were all talking and it was pure CHAOS. No one was calm. Oh, and there was a miscommunication from the front desk to the nurse to the resident about our Dr., so they had already called in the other on-call Dr. to help the resident deliver. NOT HAPPY.
Kate is still so excited. 
They said that if they broke my water we could get the process going quicker, and I immediately denied. It also states this in the birth plan. I wanted to progress at the rate my body preferred rather than do anything that would force quicker, harder contractions.
Kate checks Tessa. Kate breaks Tessa's water and Kate looks terrified. Kate literally looked around the room and I thought she was going to cry.
'I'm so sorry, I just broke your water.'
My attitude at this point was awful because I felt like everything was going against our plan and I had the team of 'newbies' on staff that were more excited to just watch this unfold, rather than follow directions that I had put so much effort into.
The contractions immediately were stronger and I was feeling the urge to push. My back was in full on cramp mode and nurse #2 pulled out some awful smelling oil and rubbed it into my back - I was going to puke because of the smell - no one told me the oil was going to be rubbed on my back and if SOMEONE had the birth plan they would know it says not to use any oils unless I was asked. Needless to say I was now contracting and gagging and I was still tied down to the monitor and bed  -with Banks I walked and stood the entire time and was 'free'. I felt like i had 7 people circling my bed at this point just staring at me, talking and smiling while I wanted to scream.
I requested the epi. Ah. Stupid. 
They said they would check me first. I was at 9.75CM and the head was right there. The resident told me i was ready to push in 5 minutes and the baby would be here soon. I panicked and completely lost all faith in every person in the room. I felt like nothing was going as planned and envisioned the worst of worst tearing with Banks and the sewing up afterward. My legs wouldn't move. I didn't want to push. I didn't want any of them in the room. And I told Garrett there was no way I could let them deliver this baby and feel the pain I was about to endure. I wanted to be numb. 
Yes, I regret this, but when I look back, I still didn't trust anyone in the room and I don't know if I would have ever opened up my legs to have a baby. 
After 2 failed attempts at an epidural  - I was at a full 10CM and still feeling every contraction when the 3rd attempt numbed just the one area it needed to. I could still feel the contractions, my legs and had full control of my body - but the edge was taken off and 6 pushes and 15 minutes after I got the partial epidural I was a balling mess because I watched my first daughter enter the world. The chaos was OVER. I could finally just relax and enjoy what was happening rather than worrying about what everyone was NOT doing correctly (according to my plan).
Hollis Nova Roux Konen
Born 7.25.14  at 3:11 AM
9 LBS - 1 OZ
20.5 inches
Although, I'm not happy I got the epidural, I still feel like I experienced what true labor and delivery feels like minus the final rip and tear. Agh. I'm also grateful that Miss Hollis didn't endure hours of medication  - but 100% disappointed in the way our birth plan was not used. Baby #3 will have an on-call staff :)
Oddly enough, I feel one million times better than I did with Banks afterward. I honestly feel on day 4 postpartum with Hollis like I did month 6 with Banks. No joke. This gives me SO much hope, and if I had known that was going to be the case I probably wouldn't have freaked out so much. I don't know if it's because it's baby #2 or what the deal is, but it's a WORLD of difference. Thank goodness, because I have a crazy Banks to chase after. At 3 -4 months with Banks I was struggling to walk at the grocery store because i was still so sore. I've already taken walks to the park, shopped at Target for an hour and I'm more than willing to get up off the couch to do laundry, clean house, etc.... and it's day 5!!! This is entirely way too exciting for me. I feel like it's a breeze compared to Banks.

My mom, best friend and Serena were all in the room during the birth of Hollis and for that I'm so thankful. Last time, my mom was supposed to be told to come in the room when I was ready to deliver, but that never happened. I'm so glad she was able to be there this time. Words cannot express my gratitude for Serena taking the photos she did during Hollis' labor and birth. I will truly cherish these photos forever, and hope that we can do the same thing with our future children. The photos make me tear up with happiness every time I look at them. She captured the pure pain I was in, the tears of joy the moment I saw SHE was a GIRL and everything in between. I may be a little obsessed with taking photos and capturing every life moment, but I know that now and 10, 20, 30+ years from now I will never regret taking too many photos of our life as a family. If you don't know Serena already, I more than highly recommend her - she is not a photographer that takes photos and sends them to you. She is a photographer that cares about you, your family, has a heart of gold and goes above and beyond every.single.time she sees you to make sure that she is capturing moments that are important to you and YOUR family. I could never thank her enough for being there during Hollis' birth.  
You can see her photos on her Facebook page at
and her blog at
Meet, Miss Hollis Nova Roux - our crazy, beautiful story.

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Monday, July 21, 2014

yes, I'm STILL pregnant.

Today, I'm 40w/5d with baby K#2. If you had asked me 4 weeks ago if I thought I would be pregnant past 40w, I would have said you were crazy. 
I'm not at almost 3CM and have been at 2CM for 3+ weeks. talk about getting your hopes up! I'm so glad I was freaking out 5 weeks ago about getting the nursery done, outfits ready, bag packed and plans outlined for Banks in case we were to go into labor overnight. I'm starting to forget what I packed, what outfits were bought and who I'm supposed to call when this all goes down. 
I average about 20 texts per day from friends asking WHY, or WHEN this baby will be born. friends, I love you, but your guess is as good as mine. And then Monday morning rolls around AGAIN and every co-worker is asking WHY you are at work. I'm ever-so-thankful for so many caring, loving friends, but ya'll I want this baby out of me as much as you do! 
even banks woke up on saturday morning and walked up to me and said "you still have a bump, mom?"
YES! Yes, Banks, mom still has a bump. (little does he know that even after baby comes I will STILL have a bump - that'll be fun to explain.)
I keep joking about how we haven't had the baby yet because it's a boy and we STILL don't have a name picked out. I guess that really could be the case... ahh!
At this point, I think i'm more frustrated with the fact that I'm trying to do everything "PERFECTLY" in my eyes to prepare for labor and I'm not accepting the fact that game time is anytime, and that I'm most likely not going to be 100% ready when the time comes, but rather I'll have to adjust to the situation.  With this I'm talking about our plans to TRY to go for another all-natural labor. Around 9PM I start freaking out every night thinking that if I go into labor NOW, i'll be way too tired to endure another possible 17 hours of labor. Or I'll eat too much and feel like I'm way too full to experience any type of pain..... always, many things we realize are NOT in our control, even things that we THINK are in our control, are not, and we simply must be obedient.
'Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, This is the way; walk in it.' (Isaiah 30:21)
We need to wait on the Lord and trust that his perfect timing is best. God's word warns us not to try and speed things up and do things in our own strength ... 'There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.' (Proverbs 16:25)
There is a right time for everything. A right time to get married, a right time to have a baby, a right time to do everything. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says ...
'There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.' (NIV).

.... and for those who have had to endure the evil eye roll or the bad attitude I may have, I am truly sorry.... but, I will let you know when this babe is out!!! 
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Thursday, July 10, 2014

today, i'm thankful.

what a week. a week of crazy emotions, as if that weren't expected from a 9 month pregnant mom.
the week started out with lots of complaints. complaints sunday evening about how i had to go to work on monday, rather than staying home with a newborn.
early monday i learned that our best friends were going to most likely lose a dad and father in law, a friend's wife was diagnosed with cancer and saw posts of another friend mourning the 7th anniversary of her first child who only lived minutes on earth.
i quickly became ever so thankful that i was at work, had a job, my parents are healthy, i'm healthy and our second child was moving like crazy inside the womb. and i got to spend another day being pregnant - something i'm ever so thankful for, the blessing to be able to have kids. 
although i'm 100% ready to meet this baby, find out the sex of this baby, name this baby, love on this baby and for our family to grow... today i'm ever so thankful for what i have RIGHT NOW, because tomorrow is never guaranteed. it's so easy to rush life and wish for more and want time to pass quickly because of things we get to look forward to. this week i'm reminded that living in the moment is not such a bad thing.
so many prayers being said this week. prayers for peace and comfort in the most difficult times.
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Monday, June 30, 2014

i'm an auntie!

1 down. 1 to go.

my sister-in-law kelsey had her baby girl on June 22 at 12:52PM and i officially became an AUNT for the first time!!

kels did great and aizley is one perfect lil' girl. i could spend hours sitting there holding her. i can't wait for her cousin to join her in this world and watch them grow up so close in age! family get togethers will be so much fun!

my camera was dusted off and has been used constantly ever since she arrived - love her!

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i've longed for you, july.

tomorrow is july 1, 2014.
i've been waiting for july since, well, november. november 3 to be exact - the day we found out we would be expecting baby #2. it seems that july came fast and the time in-between november and july dragged - all at the same time. i'm sure those of you who have kids know exactly what i'm talking about. nevertheless, we are ready for baby, i think.
are you ever ready? for the past 10 weekends i feel like i've been tackling to-do lists of things i just have to get done before baby:
clean the house X 100
finish the nursery
buy g bday and anniversary gifts before july (just in case i don't have time after)
reupholster furniture
prepare birth announcement - ready for photo drop-in (still not done)
go through b's old clothes
clean out basement
.... the list goes on....
many of these things are done - many of them are not, but i think i'm okay with that. i'm okay with this baby coming and things not being PERFECTLY planned. it's so different preparing for #2 than for #1. #1 was easy.... if i deep-cleaned the house it stayed like that for more than the next 10 minutes.
now i worry more about banks. what's banks going to do when i'm in labor - will he be okay? will he be in a good mood/happy to see us when baby arrives? how are we going to handle two?  what if this baby isn't a great sleeper like banks, doesn't eat well like banks?
.... so much for thinking people don't compare their kids.... i already am and i don't even know if i'm comparing a boy to a boy or a boy to a girl. i'm sure i'll love them just the same, compared or not.
we've been dilated to 2cm for the past 2 weeks and will go back to the dr. on the day we enter week #38 (wednesday). the day after we'll celebrate g's 30th birthday, the 4th of july, the week after our 6th wedding anniversary and then we're almost to d-day.  the anticipation of finding out where this babe's birthday will fall in-between all of the other july excitement is KILLING ME. 
my etsy favorites are ready to purchase as soon as baby comes
folder #1 - pink/coral galore
folder #2 - 1 item ( sad, I know)
i'm finding out quickly that if a girl happens to join our family i'll be broke as a joke. and when i think about 'what i want' i truly have no preference. there are 1,000 reasons i would love a girl and a 1,000 more i think a boy would be best, which is why i LOVE not finding out the sex of the baby. and i wonder what baby will look like.... like b? small or BIG like b? will labor be long and steady like last time or will it be short, quick and unexpected? will i go into labor at home again or at work? will  my water break, or will that first REAL contraction be the only sign?
so much anticipation - KILLING ME (again), but i cannot wait to see what unfolds THIS MONTH!
so,welcome July. I know you will be a month to remember and the day of this month we remember forever is the unknown, but we cannot wait to know that magic number!



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Saturday, June 21, 2014


i've never thought of myself as one with poor memory, in fact, garrett asks me all the time how i remember things like what he wore 6 years ago to the day, or the crazy things that happened in high school. i don't remember being this anxious for baby #1. i feel like it's the first time all over again. i'm excited, nervous, anxious, freaking out, and a ball of emotions.
this time though, i'm more worried about banks. is he going to be okay during labor? is he going to like the baby? how will be react at their first meeting? will be still love me the same? will he cry? will he smile? will he have a sister? a brother?
so many questions to be answered in the next month, or so. 
i've prepared myself for a late baby. doctors had given me two different due dates with banks - November 17 and November 27. He ended up being born on November 29, so either way, he was late. this go around, I'm prepared to have baby k#2 anytime AFTER July 17. although, after yesterday's appointment, I can't help but get my hopes up!
60% effaced, -3, almost 2cm dilated and head down.
whoa. yes, i know.... this really doesn't mean anything, but the fact that I'm just now 36 weeks and there is some sort of sign that baby is coming just excites me like no other.  for 8 months it feels like it will be FOREVER before the baby comes and there is so much time to get all of the items on our checklist, checked. and now, i'm not so sure that everything will be checked. 
after the dr. left the room, g asked why he didn't tell us our effacement and station position. I said he did. 

G - "he did? all i heard was almost 2cm and i couldn't believe it, so i guess i didn't hear anything else!"
i think it's safe to say we're both excited. the heartbeat was 134 this go around, and I'm still convinced this baby is a boy. still.... a boy without a confirmed name. holy stress.

i can't get over how weird it is to think that any given minute i could be in labor.... and to have this feeling for much more than 3 more weeks would just be brutal and wrong, but i keep reminding myself how everything just simply 'worked out' last time i went into labor and that it happens when it's supposed to. even if i was past my due date. i've been trying to save a little energy each day after i remind myself how much energy i used up during the 17 hours of natural labor last time. it's almost like 'trying' to prepare for a marathon that you don't know the start time or date for - odd. i'm also struggling with the fact that b will no longer be the only child. i'm ecstatic to add another member to our family, but i'm nervous about how banks will react, how i'll really feel (probably overwhelmed) when the baby arrives and how i will adjust to 'sharing love' and 'sharing time'. for now, i'm completely savoring every moment with banks and loving his sweetness and i'm sure that we will all fall completely in love with baby#2 as soon has he/she is born, but i can't help but worry more about this baby being born than i was with banks. funny.. because you would think that it would feel totally natural being the 'second time around'.

right now we are praying for a healthy baby and would prefer it to be born between Sunday after 3PM and before a Friday at 3PM. why? because we have an awesome opportunity to donate free cord blood. i had checked into doing this with banks, but never found somewhere that would do it for free. to save the cord blood for your own family's use is expensive, but donating it to an agency for anyone to use, can be completely free. that's what we're doing and i'm kind of weirdly really excited about it. of course the baby needs to be healthy and the amount of blood collected has a minimum, otherwise it cannot be accepted and the baby must be born between the times listed above for the blood to be able to be picked up and shipped. if you are pregnant and are between your 28th and 34th week you can also do this! i highly recommend it as i've heard of cord blood cells saving several friends' and friends' family member's lives. so cool. we are using  Life Force Cryo Banks -

in other awesome news - i'll officially be an aunt this week! kelsey is almost 5 days past her due date and her doctor has scheduled an induction date for monday, so we're excited for baby A to join the world this week! praying everything goes smoothly and baby A and mama are healthy throughout the birth.

also an AWESOME update on a story i shared through our blog earlier about the Topping Twins - you can read about their story here and continue to pray for their family. miracles do happen thanks to  Him.

36 weeks

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